I’m in love. Life is rosy. It’s difficult to juggle two marriages simultaneously and nurture both equally, but I’m managing. Love calls for it. Funny thing is that my husband approves of my second marriage. In fact, he encourages me to spend more time there. It doesn’t get better than that. Can it? If I were to say there’s some trouble in paradise, given the situation, one would think, of course. How do you manage to juggle two marriages? Is that even legal? Well, I’m Muslim, although being a Muslim woman, that’s a whole different story, and I’ve effectively managed to digress again, but back to my story.
I think I’ve pretty much given you everything you need to know about my second husband. It’s my writing. One can argue that he is truly my first husband and my husband that came from a wedding ceremony is technically my second husband and we are not going to talk about my earlier divorce or I would be quite confused with keeping track. Wow! For a minute, my life sounds absolutely spectacular, I want to be in it, but it’s not what it seems.
There is trouble in paradise and it’s not with my legal husband. It’s this other guy. My writing! He comes and goes as he pleases and sometimes treats me poorly. The worst part. He’s not faithful. He spends more time with others and gives them gifts and leaves me empty handed at times. I will say that he’s been more responsive since I have started this blog. I have gotten some action (if you know what I mean), but ahhhh how do I get more?
Humans are inherently competitive and I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to anyone, but I can’t help it. I see several people write and their work flows. When I say flows, it’s smooth, like milk poured on a table top with no boundaries. It’s not like my raging river that ebbs and flows and jumps and then suddenly dries up at the shore and it’s just a mess.
I read other’s works and it’s so eloquent and I come back to mine and wonder what happened? My english teachers would be sorely disappointed. It’s not just about getting a bout of creativity. I’ve noticed my language structure dwindle even in the presence of inspiration. Here I go again, comparing my work to someone else’s. I feel less than myself. I must remember the post I wrote called, “Mine! Mine! Mine!” and let my second husband be the way he is. He is mine and he may not treat me the same way as he does the others, but he’s still mine. He treats me differently and that makes me special in my own right.
As the new year is coming up, I really shouldn’t muse about my writing deficiencies or fallbacks. It’s time to move forward. Onward to better blog posts, or at least attempt at better ones.
I hope you all have happy holidays and will see you next time.