Here I am staring at the screen. Mind blank. Yet, a few hours ago, I had enough to fill this page in a few minutes. So, instead of trying to figure out what I was thinking about then, I thought I would try a new avenue. Why the blank? Do I really have nothing more to say? Am I all dried out from inside? On the contrary.
This afternoon, I was going through a mid-life crisis. I was feeling inadequate as my book lies unwritten and unopened for years. I was lost then. And yet, in my journey through searching for my life, I was found in the hope of this post. Now, I stumble. I have a half a post. An empty mind. I wonder about this blog and its readership. I think somewhere in the abyss of having not accomplished goals I had set out to do, I felt that I had this blog. Now, I wonder about this also. Do I have a blog? I do, but then again, I don’t. It’s not something captivating. Perhaps I must admit to my boring self and not try for something greater. But then, I know that’s not me. I have to strive and push and endure. It’s in my nature. I’m not a phoenix and I do not rise from the ashes, but I’m the sparks from a low ember. Not too hot to be potent and not gone. Left to wither away in the elements. Slowly.
I think about my life and wonder about my choices and the what ifs. All what ifs come with consequences. Some fabulous ones and some horrible ones. So, I cannot focus on that. I need to focus on somehow reigniting myself and my passions. Somehow, I need to figure out how to complete projects without leaving everything scattered about while I wander aimlessly from one thought to another, leaving those behind also, with no consequence.
I guess such is the human experience.
Thank you for reading my musings, while I try to jump start my brain.
Best to you all,