Keeping track of thoughts

by | Apr 17, 2015 | Shahnaz Blog (Previously They Throw Rocks)

When I started this blog, the one advice I got was to write down blog post ideas.  Well, I did write ideas down.  I have a few sitting on my iPhone notes even as we speak, but the funny thing with jotting down idea points, is emotion.  I feel that when I get an idea or a thought to write, it comes with feelings and invariably those feelings help my words and my expressions.  If I’m not in the moment, even if I’m writing about it, I lose the moment and my writing shows.  I feel it’ll be a disjointed fact page missing the beat.  Sometimes, I get lucky.  The thought returns with the emotion and so there you have it.

Last Christmas, 2014, I was invited yet again to the annual Mercy Christmas dinner.  I have always looked forward to this dinner.  They have 4 ice sculptors, live classical music and a buffet of food that will fill you if you tried just a bit of everything.  Shrimp cocktail is what I primarily indulge in and then I suffer not being able to try a lot of the other foods.  Dessert is the chocolate fountain with strawberries, and other fruits to dip in, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  There’s a plethora of little cakes and eclair type things.  It feels quite heavenly really.  It’s funny how excited and happy one gets when they are presented with a ton of desserts.  I usually feel like a kid again.  Anyway, it has sort of been a tradition for me to go to this dinner for the past several years.  It’s a dress up affair, and the only thing I need to figure out is who I’m talking with me.

2014 was strange.  I got invited again.  I was free that evening.  I had a date, my husband, and he was free also.  We both had nowhere to be and we had a nothing evening ahead of us, and yet, we didn’t go!  Yes, just like that.  We didn’t go.  I looked at him and explained the hospital dinner that we had been to the year before and basically stated that I didn’t feel up to it.  The whole thrill of a free fancy dinner had somewhere evaporated and there I was suddenly all mature and grown up and taking charge of my life and doing what I wanted even if protocol dictated otherwise.  I can’t recall what we did.  I think we just hung out at home, ate some left overs from food I’d cooked in the past and just snuggled watching television or a DVD.

I did not miss the grand Christmas dinner.  The pomp and circumstance that made me so excited to go to this fancy dinner had finally died.  I have made it.  Even this experience had worn thin.  In the deep recesses of my mind I am grateful.  Grateful to have had the experience, grateful to be able to recognize the facade of the fancy, and grateful to have spent a quiet evening at home instead.

I started this post talking about how I have notes for what blogs I want to write and how I need an emotion to write them.  Interesting enough, this post is not in my iPhone.  Maybe it is.  I haven’t checked of late.  I am sitting at my office ready to leave home and the thought of the Christmas party came up.  The thought of a blog post that had disappeared suddenly peeked through the clouds and said, “write about me.”  As I was close to leaving, I decided to add it to my notes on my phone, but then I changed my mind.  Why not add the notes to my blogger and keep it as a post that is not published?  I could go home and finish it or finish it some other time.  At least, it would be on blogger.

Well, 5 paragraphs of notes later, I think I only need to edit this one before I post.  See what an emotion can do.  It writes the post itself.  I need only to sit on the computer.  Perhaps I’ll look at the iPhone notes and see what I want to write about next.  See, if they talk to me, but if not, I may just wait for more ideas to suddenly break through and hope I’m at a computer when that happens.

Best always,



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