Several pending and yet…

by | Jan 17, 2016 | Shahnaz Blog (Previously They Throw Rocks)

Hello everyone,

It has been a long hiatus.  Interesting enough, not really.  I would come home several times and write a quick blog, save it and move on.  I figured I would get back to it all and then post.  Well, so here I am.  I log on today after a few months and see about 5 drafts.  I can work on those blogs and finish and publish, but then I feel I would lose my continuity and everything would seem random.  Yes, my blogs are random, but I would like to think there’s some sort of a time arc and connection.

So, this past week I went to Columbia, MO for a dental conference.  I have begun to make the mistake that I was warned about when I started writing my blog.  “You will have all these ideas for a blog.  Write them down or you’ll forget!”  Well, this weekend I felt that was true.  I unfortunately did not write any of my thoughts down.  The good news is that I feel it’s an on going topic.  It will return. Why?  It’s embedded within my soul.  The topic of gratitude for everything I have in life.  The topic of perhaps feeling like I’m making something of myself.  I don’t know.  I know it’s along those lines and I could lead this blog in that direction and pull my brain there, but for now, I’ll leave those words out in the air.  Out like a boomerang.  Out to return to me.  I am trying to get some focus and order in my blog.  Then I fight within myself.  Why do I need that?  Isn’t a blog a form of a creative outlet; to relentlessly let go of all your thoughts with wild abandon and see what happens?  I guess writing can be that, but I am beginning to remember advise from years ago.  This is a friend who’s a prolific writer and one who can knit words into a magical garment.  She told me that the difference between someone who’s written a book and someone who’s a writer is just that.  The person who has written a book, wrote everyday and completed it.  It’s called completion.  It doesn’t have to be great.  There’s always someone who might think so; I shudder at that thought and celebrate it at the same time.  It’s coming back to me.  To finish something, I just need to sit and do it.  Period.

If I want this blog to go anywhere and if I want to post all my blogs that are drafts and pending, well, there’s only one way to do it – To sit on my computer and post the darn thing.  So, here I am, making a start but giving you all a perspective on myself and my blogs and why things have been kinda out there.  I have been pulled in several directions lately.  I know it’s nothing new, but I’m trying.  We’ll see where this goes.

I won’t make any promises, because I don’t want to say that I’ll post a blog a week or a blog a month and fail you.  The only thing I’ll say is that I’ll try.  I once told someone that I write because I don’t have a choice.  That is the truth.  I cannot stay away from this medium.  I haven’t made an active effort to, but the one thing I know for surety is that when I wake up every morning, I feel like I have to write.  All these thoughts and topics just come at me and they come in the form of full sentences and paragraphs. I just need to put them on my computer.  That feeling lasts for several minutes and then I poison it by opening my eyes and reaching out for my cell phone and Facebook.  I’ll admit it.  It’s a pathetic habit.  Pathetic.  Maybe I’ll find motivation within myself to be better than that.  Maybe, like today, I’ll make the effort to sit down and write.

I’m going to leave you all with that for now.  I will try to work on more blogs, either thoughts from this weekend or today, or my trips in the past.  I really need to finish the one about my trip to LA and there’s my trip of a lifetime where I found God.  Yes, but all in good time.  I will get there.

So, a very late Happy New Year to all.  Wishing you all health, happiness and peace.

Best always,


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