Unfinished, illogically of course!

by | Sep 29, 2014 | Shahnaz Blog (Previously They Throw Rocks)

When I was young, I had this rule.  When I started a book, I had to finish it.  Whether I liked it or not.  I can’t recall a book that I could not finish I until I came across Kafka.  Not Metamorphosis.  I can’t recall.  I remember reading the book and not completely following the story.  Something about a forest and getting lost in it and anyways, long story short, I didn’t finish the book and worse yet, can’t recall the title.
Then came the Poisenwood Bible.  Several years ago, it was on the bestseller list and everyone was ranting and raving about it and well, it’s on my shelf with a bookmark in it.  I think I was about 1/3 the way through when I realized the story was more intense than I was in a mood for.  Wasn’t my cup of tea.
I guess, then I talked myself into accepting the reality that it’s OK to leave things unfinished.  Books.
And then came the big one.  The really big one.  My master’s project.  This one is a long sore subject with me.  It’s more of an internal battle really.  I’ve had an instructor at school tell me years later that he understood why I couldn’t finish my Masters through my residency training.  It was a form of redemption for me but still it is what it is.  That’s a chapter I will not return to either.
And I move on from an unfinished Masters to Candy Crush.  Yes, that’s how pathetically illogical this blog is.  I’m still playing.  I’m not done.  I’m not addicted.  But I’m driven by the need to finish the levels.  That’s my goal.  To get to the finish line.  Not to beat other’s score or anything else.  Just to complete the God forsaken game.  And while some argue that it’s an addiction, I would argue that it’s a “must complete” addiction.
So, why is it that I cannot stop Candy Crush but I can with the other activities.  I think there were other players.  One, is the completability (is this even a word?) of it.  So, with the Master’s, it would not have been possible to complete it during my residency.  Not possible.  I would have to work through it after the program during work and that’s when complacency sets in.  Who needs that masters to get a good job?  Completability and a book.  It is doable if one chooses.  But that leads me to the next most important fact in the completion theory.  It is the pleasure during the completion process that factors heavily in our lives.  With the Masters, no!  Not pleasant.  Looking through graphs of my research and writing up a thesis was not fun.  Creative writing is different from technical writing.  I learned that the hard way.  With books, some books are fun to read and you can’t put them down.  If it’s not fun, then the pleasure of immersion in a book, dissolves and the activity becomes a chore and so I would think it boils down to that.
While I leave things unfinished giving myself logical reasons to leave them that way, it really boils down to one reason and that’s the fun factor.  Do I enjoy what I do?  And that’s illogical in itself because there are things we have to do whether we enjoy it or not, so why not complete what one starts?
I’m still working through the last few episodes of the show Eureka.  I must finish it.  Because it’s important to finish what one starts.  Right?  Hahaha.
Until next time,


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